ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
