im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
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