Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
