i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
