The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
