Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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