I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize