She's JV to your varsity
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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