The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
