she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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