i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
