Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
