Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I am naked and annoyed.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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