anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
