shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
