Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
We were destined to go to rehab together
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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