Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
