u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
