looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
