Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
