I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
