you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
