His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
