I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
