I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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