They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
