i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
