then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
