so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
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