cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
