We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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