I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
