I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
