Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
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