Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
