yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
