I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
