forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
