It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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