it's like iHOP with fire
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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