Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
