Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize
