Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
