NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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