Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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