3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
