Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
