Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
