Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
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