mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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