There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
