Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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