Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I forget how to act sober
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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