How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Sorry about my life...
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
