My sheets look like a crime scene.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I woke up under a house in Key West
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
