you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
