I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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