Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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