I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
