I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
