there's paper in my vomit.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
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i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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