he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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