she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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