I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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