Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
