My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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