I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
