Swine flu. Run for my life!
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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