Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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