So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
