And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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