i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
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I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
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I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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