I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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