At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
