i don't like sucking hair
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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