why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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