I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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