I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
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he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
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Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.