he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You Wouldn’t Guess That These 25 Celebrities Are Complete A**holes
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
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