i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run