I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
Hahaha April fools!
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with