My hand turned me down
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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