dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
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Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
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I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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