apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.