You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
